Left Finds Destruction an Excellent Chance to Redistribute Wealth
PARIS, October 22, 2026 - French socialists have developed a revolutionary solution to the nation's escalating riots, deteriorating public finances and widespread economic dissatisfaction: spend another €100 billion, blame capitalism for the invoice and explain that the resulting bankruptcy proves the government was insufficiently generous.
The proposal follows the unrest examined in The American Prospect's analysis of France's political and economic crisis, which describes a country struggling with stagnant opportunity, public debt and increasingly angry voters.
French Socialists Blame Capitalism for the Paris Riots
The socialist solution begins with a simple economic principle: whenever someone destroys something, taxpayers should purchase another one. If the replacement is also destroyed, the original policy has clearly succeeded in creating two economic opportunities.
A Paris economist explained that the process represents a breakthrough in circular economics. Money circulates from taxpayers to the government, from the government to contractors, from contractors to replacement businesses and eventually back to the government in taxes. Nobody becomes wealthier, but everyone attends a meeting.
The economist was asked whether the theory had been tested before. He said it had, by Frédéric Bastiat, who described the broken window fallacy in 1850. Bastiat died the same year. A spokesman for the new ministry said it considered the timing suspicious.
France's Public Debt Reaches 119% of GDP
France's financial position makes the proposal particularly exciting.
According to official French statistics on public debt in 2026, government debt reached 119% of GDP at the end of June 2026.
Socialists immediately identified the remaining 881 percentage points before debt reaches 1,000% of GDP as an untapped economic resource.
"We have barely begun borrowing," explained a member of the newly proposed Ministry of Unlimited Possibilities. "The national debt is only frightening if you insist on paying it."
The ministry does not yet have a building. It has requested €4 million to acquire one. The request was submitted in triplicate. Two copies were lost in transit, and the third was accepted as proof that the first two had existed.
Shopkeepers Meet the Contradictions of Capitalism
The debate intensified after rioters damaged shops and public buildings, raising the interesting philosophical question of whether capitalism can be responsible for the destruction of businesses whose owners had absolutely nothing to do with the government's policies.
One Paris shopkeeper, surveying his damaged premises, was informed that his suffering demonstrated the contradictions of capitalism.
He responded that he had previously operated a successful bakery and would appreciate knowing which contradiction had stolen the cash register.
He was handed a leaflet. The leaflet explained the contradiction at length. It did not mention the cash register.
A neighbouring florist, whose shutters had also been removed during the evening, asked whether there would be a separate leaflet for her. Officials said her case raised the same contradiction and she could share the baker's copy. She pointed out that the baker had used it to cover his broken window. The ministry called this an encouraging example of community recycling and noted it for the annual report.
Inside the Socialist Economic Recovery Package
The socialist economic recovery package contains several promising measures. Businesses destroyed during political demonstrations will receive reconstruction grants, funded by taxes on surviving businesses. Unemployment benefits will be expanded for workers whose employers no longer have functioning premises. Additional civil servants will be hired to investigate why private investment has disappeared.
Economists concerned about the cost were reminded that questioning government spending during a financial crisis demonstrates a troubling lack of compassion.
Asked who would pay, a ministry spokesman said the money would come from "a prosperous future." Asked which future, he said the one after this one. Asked whether the future had agreed to the arrangement, he said it had been invited to a consultation.
Meanwhile, a delegation of ideological specialists proposed renaming the destruction of private property "accelerated community-led infrastructure renewal."
The preferred policy mechanism is elegantly simple: government pays to rebuild what rioters destroy, then creates a new government agency to prevent taxpayers from asking why.
The €100 Billion Programme Awaits Its €100 Billion
At the conclusion of the emergency meeting, ministers reportedly agreed that France needed prosperity, employment, functioning schools and increased economic growth.
Nobody could find these items in the public spending catalogue.
The €100 billion programme was approved in principle, pending the discovery of €100 billion.
Five Humorous Observations on France's €100 Billion Plan
- Every plan in government is "spend more." Nobody has ever stood up in a meeting and said, "What if we spent less?" That guy gets escorted out by security and a mime.
- A hundred billion euros. That's not a budget. That's what I say at the end of an argument with my wife. "You know what? A hundred billion!" And then I go sit in the car.
- Debt at 119 percent of GDP. That's owing the bank more than your house is worth and calling it "long-term thinking." The bank calls it Tuesday.
- Nobody in a riot has ever stopped mid-brick and said, "Wait, this is the bakery I like." It's always somebody else's bakery. Until it's yours, and then it's capitalism's fault.
- The Ministry of Unlimited Possibilities. Great name. In France the possibilities are unlimited. The opening hours are not.
The world's oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer have requested €100 billion to fund this disclaimer and will blame capitalism for the invoice. The piece is inspired by France's October 2026 unrest; the reported economic figures are real, while the ministry, its proposals and its leaflets are comic. Peaceful protest and criminal violence are not interchangeable. More political satire, approved in principle. https://prat.uk/?p=54152
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