Freedom of Movement Subject to Courtyard Approval
PARIS - A coalition campaigning to abolish borders has confirmed that its principles apply everywhere except the entrance to the building where it holds meetings, which requires a security code, an electronic fob and a convincing explanation of who invited you.
The announcement followed a rally at which coalition spokeswoman Camille Desforges described national boundaries as cruel lines drawn by people fortunate enough to be on the comfortable side of them. She then went home and reminded a delivery driver that the residents' courtyard was private.
"A country cannot belong exclusively to the people living there," she explained through an intercom. "This courtyard, however, has a management company."
Open Borders Campaign Welcome Without Limits Requires Online Registration
The distinction forms the intellectual foundation of the movement's latest campaign, Welcome Without Limits, launched at an invitation-only reception where an elderly neighbour was refused admission for failing to register online.
Organisers said registration was necessary because space was limited. They denied any broader implications.
The reception itself was judged a success. Guests praised the canapés, the string quartet and the moving speech about dismantling every barrier between peoples, which was delivered from behind a velvet rope. A security guard hired for the evening said it was the most welcoming event he had ever been paid to keep people out of.
Freedom of Movement in International Law
Desforges opened the rally by reading Article 13 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights aloud twice. Aides confirmed she skipped the part about movement within the borders of each state, on the grounds that it was a little on the nose.
Supporters also pointed to the Schengen area, where most internal border checks across Europe have already been lifted. The coalition called this an encouraging start and an unfortunate precedent for its own staircase.
Where the Border-Free Housing Plan Puts the New Neighbours
The coalition's practical proposals include additional accommodation, schools and reception services in districts described throughout the presentation as "elsewhere." A map showed several promising locations, all conveniently beyond the area visible from the steering committee's balconies.
When a council officer proposed a reception centre near the committee chair's apartment, activists requested an immediate environmental assessment. Concerns included traffic, noise, architectural harmony and the potentially traumatic effect of change on people who had spent the morning demanding it.
"We must welcome newcomers properly," Desforges said. "And by properly, I mean somewhere with a completely different postcode."
Her neighbour Hugo supported the centre in principle but worried that the street lacked infrastructure. Asked whether infrastructure might also be limited in poorer districts, he said those communities possessed resilience.
Residents of poorer districts requested a swimming pool instead of another compliment about their resilience. The request was referred to a committee examining unreasonable expectations.
The Communal Dinner: Open to Everyone Who Has Been Approved
At the coalition's communal dinner, seating arrangements offered further evidence of its commitment to openness. Anyone could attend, provided they had paid forty-five euros, completed the dietary questionnaire and received confirmation from someone already inside.
A plumber arriving to repair the kitchen sink was asked for identification twice. A campaign volunteer explained that checking people was essential when you were responsible for a building.
The plumber said this sounded like the beginning of an interesting conversation. The volunteer said he was blocking the hallway.
Paris Neighbourhood Diversity, Density and the Yoga Instructor From Brussels
Meanwhile, a recently arrived café employee asked why residents opposed new flats while praising the city's diversity. The housing representative explained that the neighbourhood already had diversity, including three styles of sourdough and a yoga instructor from Brussels.
An additional apartment block would introduce density, which was different and apparently much less photogenic.
The representative offered to write an enthusiastic reference for the employee's housing application in another borough. This was described as a concrete act of solidarity, especially because the letter would be printed on expensive paper.
Declaration Calling for the End of Walls Locked Safely in the Office
By late afternoon, activists had approved a declaration calling for humanity to transcend walls. The declaration was stored in a locked office because last month somebody borrowed the projector without signing it out.
Desforges insisted there was no inconsistency. Political borders excluded people from opportunity, she said, whereas residential gates preserved the conditions in which people could discuss opportunity peacefully over olives.
The coalition will hold its next open meeting on Thursday. The address will be supplied only to approved participants. Anyone arriving without authorisation will be directed to the public meeting about inclusion, taking place several neighbourhoods away.
Five Humorous Observations
- Borders are cruel lines, says the woman whose building has an intercom, a fob, a code and a woman named Odile who remembers everybody's face. Lady, you've got a border with a pension.
- They asked an old neighbour to register online for a party about welcoming everyone. If your open-door policy has a login screen and a forgotten-password link, it's a door.
- Poorer districts have "resilience." That's what rich people call it when somebody else is cold. Nobody has ever said "resilience" about their own heating.
- Forty-five euros, a dietary questionnaire and a recommendation from somebody already inside. That's not an open dinner, that's a nightclub with hummus.
- They locked the anti-wall declaration in an office because someone stole a projector. Man, the first rule of tearing down walls is you do it before you buy the good lock.
Access to this disclaimer requires a fob, a code and the approval of the concierge. The coalition, Camille Desforges and the communal dinner are comic scenarios, not reported events, vouched for by the world's oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer, who have no gate but do keep a very bad-tempered goose. For more British satire on the French, ring the intercom. https://prat.uk/?p=53788
Comments
Post a Comment