California Protects Workers From AI by Encouraging Their Employers to Move to Texas
Newsom Unveils Latest California Economic Miracle: Save Every Job Until the Entire Company Leaves
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — California Governor Gavin Newsom has signed another pioneering workplace law, proving once again that when California sees an economic problem, its first instinct is to place a regulatory parking boot on it.
What California's No Robo Bosses Act (SB 947) Actually Does
The new No Robo Bosses Act says an employer cannot allow artificial intelligence alone to fire or discipline an employee. A human being must review and corroborate the decision. California describes this as protecting workers from automated management.
Excellent.
Because nothing says economic dynamism quite like creating a legally protected position for Gary, Assistant Vice President of Confirming What the Computer Already Said.
Artificial intelligence can detect cancer, translate Mandarin, navigate a spacecraft and calculate six million variables before breakfast.
But in California, if the computer discovers that Dennis has missed 43 shifts, stolen three printers and spent Tuesday afternoon selling catalytic converters in the employee parking lot, the machine must first consult a human.
"Dennis appears to be a problem."
"Thank you, computer."
"Would you like supporting documentation?"
"No. But California requires me to look concerned for eleven minutes."
And so Dennis is eventually fired by a human.
Progress.
Sacramento Discovers the Human Beings Corporations Really Need: Movers and the California Headquarters Exodus
California's political class keeps approaching business regulation as though corporations were buildings permanently welded to the San Andreas Fault.
They aren't.
They have accountants.
They have relocation consultants.
They have Google Maps.
Most dangerously, they have discovered Interstate 10.
California can regulate how a worker is dismissed.
California cannot prevent the executive committee from holding a meeting called:
"Why Are We Still Here?"
That meeting has apparently occurred before.
Texas Comptroller data say 157 corporate headquarters relocated from California to Texas between 2015 and 2024. Texas attracted 314 headquarters relocations altogether during that period.
One hundred fifty-seven.
At this point Texas doesn't need an economic-development office.
It needs a California Lost & Found Department.
"Did you recently misplace a corporate headquarters?"
"Yes."
"Was it last seen in San Jose?"
"Yes."
"Check Austin."
Where California Companies Are Moving: Austin, Houston, Nashville and Miami
Hello, Austin: Texas Headquarters Relocations From California
Austin should send Sacramento a fruit basket every time California passes another employment mandate.
Not oranges.
That would be provocative.
Maybe brisket.
The Austin metropolitan area received 97 headquarters relocations between 2015 and 2024, according to the Texas Comptroller. Houston received another 41. Dallas-Fort Worth received 154 from across the country.
California legislators hold hearings.
Texas commercial real-estate agents hold open houses.
That is the American federal system functioning exactly as God and U-Haul intended.
Imagine being an Austin realtor.
Your phone rings.
"Hello?"
"This is another California technology company."
"Taxes, regulation or cost of living?"
"Yes."
"How many employees?"
"Four thousand."
"Welcome to Texas. Please remain on the line while we widen another highway."
Austin's new municipal slogan could simply be:
KEEP CALIFORNIA WEIRD ENOUGH TO KEEP SENDING US EMPLOYERS.
Hello, Houston: Why Companies Leave California for Texas Office Space
Houston has an even simpler sales pitch.
"We have offices."
That's it.
No interpretive dance.
No 83-page sustainability appendix.
No committee studying whether an algorithm demonstrated unconscious bias against somebody who hasn't shown up for work since February.
Just buildings.
Parking.
Air conditioning.
And enough freeway concrete to construct a medium-sized European country.
California keeps trying to make capitalism behave like a social-services department.
Capitalism keeps responding by forwarding its mail.
That's the trouble with businesses.
They have no gratitude.
California gives them wonderful weather, spectacular coastlines, enormous markets, world-class universities and an employee handbook requiring its own forklift.
And the corporations say:
"Thanks. We're moving the accounting department to Plano."
Hello, Nashville: The Corporate Relocation Country Song
Then there is Nashville.
The city once attracted musicians who wanted to become stars.
Now it can attract California executives who want to become residents.
The modern Nashville recording session:
"Gentlemen, we've got a new song."
"What's it called?"
"My Company Left California and Took My Stock Options With It."
Verse one: regulation.
Verse two: commercial rent.
Chorus: Tennessee.
Key change: Texas.
California's genius has been transforming economic-development officials in other states into passive beneficiaries of Sacramento legislation.
They don't even have to recruit aggressively anymore.
Just monitor California legislative hearings.
Every time somebody says "first-in-the-nation mandate," Nashville orders another tray of champagne.
Hello, Miami: Sunshine, Palm Trees and Accountants
Miami's sales pitch requires even fewer words:
SUNSHINE. PALM TREES. ACCOUNTANTS.
California used to own the argument that companies would tolerate extraordinary costs because talented people wanted sunshine and beaches.
Then Florida looked down.
Apparently it had accidentally acquired both.
A California CEO arrives in Miami.
"You mean there's an ocean?"
"Yes."
"Restaurants?"
"Yes."
"International airport?"
"Yes."
"People wearing ridiculous clothes?"
"Extensively."
"My God. It's Los Angeles with humidity."
California Solves Poverty by Making Employment More Ceremonial: The Cost of Regulatory Compliance
The great California regulatory theory appears to be that prosperity emerges when enough people supervise the people supervising the computer supervising the employee.
This produces an economic ecosystem.
Worker.
Manager.
AI system.
AI compliance officer.
Human reviewer.
Human-review compliance officer.
Attorney reviewing the human-review compliance officer.
Consultant teaching everyone how to complete the review.
State employee auditing the consultant.
Eventually 14 people are involved in deciding whether Brad should be fired from the yogurt shop.
Brad remains employed because everyone forgot why the meeting started.
California has thereby defeated unemployment.
Unfortunately the yogurt now costs $46.
Meanwhile, California's Unemployment Rate Is 5.1 Percent
California's seasonally adjusted unemployment rate was 5.1 percent in August 2026, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Sacramento examined this situation and apparently concluded:
Employers need another procedure.
This is the regulatory equivalent of treating obesity by adding another layer to the wedding cake.
Economic growth sluggish?
Mandate.
Housing expensive?
Mandate.
Companies leaving?
Task force.
Task force discovers companies dislike mandates?
Create mandatory reporting requirements for companies considering leaving because of mandates.
Eventually California will require departing businesses to remain in-state for 90 days while completing an exit interview.
"Why are you leaving?"
"Regulation."
"Please complete these 14 regulatory forms explaining that."
"That's why we're leaving."
"Excellent. We've added Question 73."
California's New Economic Sector: Preventing Things, From Silicon Valley Startups to AI Productivity
Once upon a time California specialized in creating things.
Semiconductors.
Movies.
Personal computers.
Software.
Biotechnology.
Internet companies.
Now Sacramento increasingly specializes in preventing someone somewhere from doing something without first consulting Sacramento.
California invented Silicon Valley.
Then Silicon Valley invented artificial intelligence.
Now California has begun supervising artificial intelligence because apparently the circle of economic life ends with a legislative committee asking ChatGPT whether its employee handbook complies with subsection 4(c).
You can picture the future California startup pitch.
"Our company uses AI to increase productivity by 30 percent."
The venture capitalist leans forward.
"Interesting."
"It allows one employee to accomplish what previously required four."
The room goes silent.
Someone pulls the fire alarm.
The Wonderful Economics of Protecting a Job That Moves to Texas: Compliance Costs and the CFO Spreadsheet
Suppose California adds $1,000 worth of compliance costs to employing somebody.
Then another $1,000.
Then another.
Each individual regulation can be defended.
Each comes with compassionate language.
Each promises fairness.
Each sounds tiny.
Eventually the CFO adds them together.
This is how capitalism differs from politics.
Politicians discuss intentions.
Accountants use addition.
The spreadsheet does not care whether the regulation was compassionate.
The spreadsheet contains cells.
Cell C27 says California.
Cell C28 says Texas.
Cell C29 says Tennessee.
Cell C30 says Florida.
Then the CEO asks the most dangerous question in California public policy:
"Why does C27 have so many commas?"
Texas Doesn't Need to Attack California: 314 Headquarters, 7,360 Jobs and $2.3 Billion in GDP
Texas merely needs patience.
California does the advertising.
Texas data say those 314 headquarters relocations between 2015 and 2024 generated 7,360 announced jobs, $2.3 billion in additional GDP and $1.6 billion in added disposable personal income.
That is an extraordinary economic-development strategy.
Step one: wait for another state to annoy its employers.
Step two: answer telephone.
Step three: sell office space.
Step four: barbecue.
If California passes enough regulations, Austin may eventually have to build a replica of Sacramento just so relocated executives don't become homesick.
They can visit every Thursday.
There will be a podium.
A committee hearing.
A man explaining why a permit requires another permit.
Five minutes later they'll remember why they left.
The Robo Boss Has One Final Recommendation: Move the Company to Austin
Somewhere in Silicon Valley tonight, an artificial-intelligence program is examining taxes, labor costs, regulation, housing, energy, employee recruitment and commercial real estate.
After several trillion calculations, the screen flashes:
RECOMMENDED CORPORATE LOCATION: AUSTIN, TEXAS.
The California CEO stares at it.
The lawyers gather around.
"Can we follow the AI recommendation?"
"Absolutely not."
"Why?"
"California requires meaningful human oversight."
So the CEO summons twelve executives.
They study Texas.
They study Tennessee.
They study Florida.
They study California.
They study the numbers.
They deliberate for six weeks.
Finally, the humans reach a unanimous independent decision.
Move the company.
Austin answers the telephone.
Houston turns on the lights.
Nashville opens another office.
Miami puts out a beach chair.
And Sacramento proudly announces another victory for human decision-making.
Satire Disclaimer
This is satire. SB 947 bars employers from relying solely on automated decision systems for firing or discipline and requires human corroboration. The economic figures cited above come from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics and the Texas Comptroller. Everything else is the entirely human collaboration of two sentient beings: the world's oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer, neither of whom has yet been replaced by an algorithm, although California may soon require written confirmation of that fact. https://prat.uk/california-protects-workers-from-ai/
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